BrownBag Series - November 2007 - Having it all - Summary
Groups of women discuss provocative topics at locations in academia and industry throughout BC. The November 2007 topic was: It’s possible to have it all – a satisfying career, happy family life, and time for yourself.
Having it all – is this a true possibility or a delusion? The word “all” includes a successful career (and how do we define success – hefty pay cheque, prestigious title, travelling all over the world, 80 hour work weeks?), a great marriage, kids and still time for oneself. The problem is that all of these things take time, effort and energy. It is obvious that having a job takes time and a career will take even more. A marriage-like relationship also takes effort. It doesn’t happen by magic and who can deny that children are not energy consuming. And in all of that where is the time for self? So what exactly does “having it all” mean? Do women have unrealistic expectations of themselves, where they believe that they can achieve perfection in these three areas of their lives, or does “having it all” really mean sacrificing a little bit of everything in order to get some of each but never really having any one of them fully? Many of these questions have been raised by women who have struggled with balancing a career and family while finding time for themselves as can be quickly found by googling “having it all” [1], [2], [3], [4] and [5].
In November SCWIST’s BrownBag Lunch series addressed this topic asking women in science and technology-related careers or study areas what it meant to them. Three discussions took place at BC Hydro, UBC, and NRC. Each discussion had a different focus, reflecting the different groups as well as various opinions in society. The general theme and consensus was that “having it all” was possible and would depend on a woman’s personality and her stage in life.
BC Hydro brought in a speaker to address the myriad issues of finding a balance between career, family and self. Sheron Stone from Shepell FGI is the Employee Assistance Program provider for BC Hydro. She highlighted some key points including:
– When you are out of balance, the emotional response is the same no matter what part of your life is out of balance. – What defines a balanced life is different for different people. – Need to break down goals into small achievable steps with short timelines. – Be careful of doing too much. – Self-Care needs to be a high priority. If you are not taking care of yourself, then how can you expect to take care of anyone else?The discussion at UBC brought up the point that society has raised women to believe they can have it all however the reality is much more difficult to achieve. A professor at UBC proposed the two-thirds idea: you can’t have everything, all the time, but you can have two out of three at any given time. However, as the women discussed, balancing work, relationships and self time is difficult and is different for individual women as some will be satisfied with a more career-oriented life whereas others will prefer to be more family-focused.
At NRC the group talked about making sure the work-life balance included finding time for the partner in the relationship, that spending time with children does not have to mean planned activities but simply being with them is important, and not forgetting one’s priorities. They also raised the important point that even single people find balancing work and life to be challenging and therefore not having a family does not necessarily make it any easier. One woman said that she did “have it all” but then mentioned that the important question is if her family thinks she has done it well.
Ultimately that is the most important aspect: the people – you and your family in whatever shape it exists. If you and your family are happy then you have probably found that balance and can indeed “have it all”.
[1] “Another view of having it all”
[2] “Having it all”
[3] “Having it all”
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